Nostalgia Kick

I was cleaning out my old e-mail account today when I came across the best treasure a girl could find: e-mails from a 14 year old Alex. He might get mad at me for posting these, but I think of these as my gift to the world. They're sort of a proof that Alex has always been funny, and he's been cracking me up since he was a baby, but it was only when I went to college that I got the e-mails to prove it. I edited out the names of any innocents and picked out the funniest excerpts for you, the viewing public.

This was when I ordered some Andy Warhol postcards for Dan and accidentally sent them to the house instead:
"You are going to receive some flak for the weird homoerotic pictures you sent home. I was watching TV and mom was like, "Alex come here." Then I went into the living room and she was like, "Would you care to explain this?" and it was a picture of a big penis made out of a bunch of hearts and some weird crap. So expect a call."

This was when Mom found out I told Alex I was dating H. before I told her:
"I think she got kind of mad because she was like, "Well when did she tell you? Did she tell you not to tell Mom?" Oh well. I was like, "Listen here ya old @#$% I don't go reportin' news to you like I'm some type of news bearing @#$% !" Needless to say I am grounded for three years. "


This was when Alex wasn't allowed to watch R-rated movies because he was 14. And he was really afraid of getting into trouble:
"Don't tell mom or dad but I watched Donnie Darko. It was wicked. I really liked the part with Head over Heels. Don't say anything about it in e-mail, because mom always reads my e mail and then she would know I saw it, I have to cover my tracks."

This was when Alex started a new class with a teacher he didn't like very much:
"Then she said, "Oh, you're that makes the movies," really tiredly like that was a really exhausted thing to do. I was like, "I make films mam. I eat movies for breakfast." Then she was all like, "Oh yeah I saw one...the one about you finding a treasure box or something," she said this like it bored her to death. Then she said, "I'll bring a TV in so we can watch this," the way someone would, "Hey I brought Deuce Bigalow so we can mock it to death." Then (Name Redacted) was all, "Oooh Mrs. Theisen I read The Catcher in the Rye(pouty face)I don't understand it(Ricardo voice).
But before this great story was even brewing, the exact minute I stepped off the bus, Mrs. Claus shot to my side and said, "I'm going to have to ask you to go to the office and call your house and have someone bring you a different pair of pants. Go there immediately." The voyage to the office was trying and full of danger, that is all I have to say about that. So then mom brought me new pants. I won't even tell you the story about the time I had to take my ripped pants off and put the new ones on! Oh man! I don't want to go into that right here.
Tulk to you latur
P.S. I heard it through the grape vine that there is a really hot Norwegian girl attending Clearfork. Rumor has it she came here for my blood."


And this one is my favorite. This is when Alex stayed home sick from school and wrote me an e-mail while in a wild fevered state:
"I had a mad fever and suffered weird fever dreams the night before. It was an all night kind of dream in which I was really hot and uncomfortable the whole time, but there was a lot of Charles Manson, or someone that looked/acted a lot like him. I cannot really explain it because it was so weird. It involved this Charles Manson like figure except the cult he led was devoted to warm blankets? Does that make any sense? They had all these weird writings and stuff and diagrams and he had all the places the blankets were most warm. IT WAS WEIRD. It ended up I got into the cult and wanted to get out, but it was too late. I'm not really sure what happened to me. I just woke up a lot and was really really hot. The image I have in my head is of this blanket that has all these lines across it, vertical and horizontal. These, Charles Manson explained, were the areas with varying degrees of hotness in the blanket. I do not like having a fever and there is no way I could adequately explain how strange that dream was. I watched Saved by the Bell today. It was an amazing two parter in which Kelly falls for her boss at work even though she is currently in a relationship with Zach. The big shock is when at the dance Zach does something nice for her and she says, "Oh, thanks Sean." or whatever. And Zach was just, "Oh you did not just call me Sean(that's the name of the manager at work)." It was an intense and emotional two episodes."

I miss Little Alex.