Chase's contribution.

Occasionally I like to think about what Chase would put on the blog if he was able. This is one of those things. This is Joe Pesci's hip-hop song from the My Cousin Vinny album. It's worth noting that this is the only song on the album not done in the Vinny character.

Chase's favorite part? "I don't drive by. Cuz I'm a wise guy. I just stop by, with a couple of guys, and I take your eyes. Cuz I'm a wise guy."

Chasefic

It's been said that there isn't enough Chase on the blog. Well, sorry, but he doesn't know this blog exists (except for the fact that we have our suspicions he's been reading and just won't admit it). But I'm not offering up any sort of Chase-created artwork. This falls more into the realm of "Chase-related." Awhile ago (shortly before the presidential election) I wrote a silly little Chase story to send to Alex. One caveat: it's just stupid Winfrey in-jokes, which is why I haven't posted this until now. You know how nerdy fanfic is? This is nerdier. It's Chasefic. Much of this is related to things Chase was doing at the time: learning how to use Photoshop, making pictures of Barack Obama holding a Blue Rocket Comic, clogging toilets...you get the picture. Also the ideas named in the first paragraph are all real ideas that Chase has had. Enjoy, I guess?

***

The idea came to him while he tried to unclog the toilet. He chuckled
for a moment as he thought about how all of his best ideas always
occurred in the bathroom; salty ketchup, watery toothpaste, even an
ice cream truck that would dispense frozen treats on the highway! That
was, after all, why he spent so much time there, on the toilet. It was
his Thinking Place. But this idea was different than all the rest.
This idea would work.
He hurriedly threw down the plunger, leaving poop water splashed
across the floor. Mom would clean it up. This idea was too good to put
off.
He loaded up Adobe Photoshop. The program was so confusing at first,
but he'd really grown to love it. On AOL, he Google searched for
pictures of Presidential Candidates Barack Obama and John McCain. Of
course, he had to sign on to his parents' account to do any image
searching--his father had enforced some tight parental controls. Why,
he'd even been unable to Google Image search "Kissing" and "Where do
Babies Come From" and "Funny Poop Pictures"! Not that he'd tried.
Once the suitable pictures were loaded into Photoshop, he set about
drawing a small orange Blue Rocket Comics image. Some might think it
odd that a 13 (going on 14) year old would be at the helm of a
sometimes successful comics business, but truth be told, he'd always
felt wise beyond his years. After several hours and a few breaks (Mom
finally finished dinner and Chuck came on), his pictures were
finished. There they were, the presidential candidates, each holding a
copy of a Blue Rocket Comic. If you didn't know, you'd almost believe
they were real! He sighed in satisfaction and adjusted himself in the
plush desk chair, which responded by releasing a whiff of old fart
smell.
These needed to be seen by everyone, he realized. More than just his
family. They didn't understand, anyway. He needed to put them on the
internet; but how?
He composed an email:
Hey Bromo,
How do I put pictures on the internet? Dad and I can't figure it out.
Ya Brudda
He forgot to check his email for two days, but when he did he found a
response from Alex that gave him detailed instructions for setting up
his own webpage. It was business time.
Just hours after setting up his webpage, the doorbell rang. "Somebody
get that!" he called, despite the fact that his chair was almost
directly beside the front door.
Mom rushed to the front door and led two men into the entryway.
"Someone's here to see you," she said.
Chase stood up after pausing Call of Duty 4. Then he saw the two men
he never expected to see in his home.
"Barack Obama and John McCain?" he asked.
"Hello Chase," John McCain said crustily. "We just had to see the
young man who created those wonderful pictures."
"I know you're surprised to see us here. Especially holding hands,"
Obama said, raising his left hand, which was indeed clasping McCain's
right, "but we were inspired to put aside our partisan differences and
unite to pay you a visit."
"This is awesome," Chase said. "Hey, did you know my dad doesn't
believe in global warming?"
"Me neither," said McCain craggily.
"Neither do I," said Obama. "I know I always talk about it, but it's
total bullshit."
"Dad was right!" Chase whispered.
"Listen," McCain said old-ily, "as a reward for creating a piece of
art that has inspired the nation, we want to give you an opportunity
that will change the course of history."
"It's up to you," Obama said, "to choose the next president. Obviously
the democratic process is flawed, so why not let a 13-going-on-14-year
old boy decide?"
"Geezle," said Chase as his eyes darted back and forth between the two
candidates. How would he ever decide?
***
On November 4th, a man stepped up to the podium to give his acceptance
speech. "I'd like to thank this great country, but most of all I'd
like to thank Chase Winfrey," said Bruce Springsteen. "Without him,
there's no way I'd be your president." Then, he launched into a a
saxophony rendition of Born to Run, and no one rocked out harder than
Chase.
FIN.

This guy really liked Burn Notice

I don't want to say that this could be Chase when he gets older, but...

My favorite quote, "She's like a big whore, and she gets naked in a lot of the shows, but you just see like, the back end of her.  Like her ass and her back."

or, "It's not even from America and it's one of the best shows."

I don't expect you to watch this, but you can just click almost anywhere during it's 10 minute run time, and you can hear something kind of funny.  

Gran Torino

Hey guys!  It's almost award season, and I've yet to see several of the big films this year.  I saw Milk yesterday (it was sooOooO gaay).  In the evening I watched a pirated version of Gran Torino, which I felt fine about, because I never intended to actually watch that movie until my roommate wanted to.  Despite the glowing review from my father and brother (Chase), it was not my favorite.  Was it badass?  Yes.  Parts of it were very badass.  Was it well made?  Not particularly.  The reason I even bothered mentioning this in a blog post (because we have such high standards here) is because I found this little gem during the credits.

That's right.  That is Clint Eastwood singing this song.  It sounds like a bizarro Muppets song.  Things quickly go down hill once Jamie Cullum starts to sing, but up to that point it is awesome.  Try to not sing, "Gentle now the tender breeze blows, whisper through my Gran Torino."  I'm not sure why this isn't more widely parodied.  It seems like it should be this years milkshake speech.

Finally, Chase

Finally, it's whutchall been waiting for...Chase's comics. Chase doesn't know how to use the internet, other than to check art supply websites and play Runescape (but not anymore, he swears!), so I'm posting this character sketch that he's already scanned into the computer. His name is Stuntman Ham and, well, now you know about as much as I do.



Chase is suffering from some major "cartooning block" right now, but maybe there will be more soon.

A Poem From Alex

In the Talented Winfrey Family, sharing is caring. Not sharing germs or food or love (gross), but specifically sharing clothes. Chase once wore a pair of Mom's blue jeans to school, never noticing that they weren't his and weren't even designed for his sex. This incident immediately sent Alex into a creative frenzy, and after an entire night spent furiously typing and smoking Virginia Slims, he produced this poem:



Chase

He wakes up in the morning
feeling kind of boring
He sees a pair of pants
decides to take a chance
a smile on his face and a secret in his heart
he steps out the door with a wave and a fart

“Dang,” he thinks, “I look fine”
“only one problem, these pants aren’t mine”

Introductory Post: Who is The Talented Winfrey Family?

This is a poorly scanned photo of Alex and Chase, two of the three Talented Winfrey Siblings. This blog is intended to launch us into Superstardom by showcasing our works and wares, as well as our good genes.

Our goal is to become a Talented Super Family, much like the Sedarises, Glasses, or Tennenbaums. Yes, two of those examples are fictional, but that hardly matters. So, who is The Talented Winfrey Family?

-Chase, 13, is a cartoonist and the mastermind behind Blue Rocket Comics--perhaps you've heard of them? Chase works hard and plays hard, rushing to meet deadlines but occassionally indulging in a sinful mixture of hotdogs and pool water. He has the temperament of an artist, flying into a rage at the slightest provocation, but he can nearly always be calmed with the promise of a freshly popped bag of popcorn or some new colored pencils. You can find Chase in front of the computer or, more rarely, in his studio. His biggest concerns right now are increasing Blue Rocket Comics' fanbase, making it through eighth grade unscathed, and finding out when the cafeteria is going to serve Bosco Stix again.

--Alex, 18, is standing at the precipice of what will surely be a promising career in either film production or making fart noises into the telephone. Possibly both. Alex acheived early Clear Fork High School fame with his first full-length film, T-Unit. Fame didn't treat Alex well; the pressure to produce paralyzed him, and he sat on the couch in his sweatpants for years, unable to do anything but watch Wings reruns. Now that he's back to creating, his Art is uniquely informed by what he refers to as "The 'Wings' Years." He doesn't confine himself to film; he also works in watercolor, collage, and cupcakes. When Alex isn't mopping floors at a local Christian summercamp, he's most likely trying to convince you to smell gross things or making up new words for Fergie songs.

--Kerry, almost 22, oscillates between gradiose hope and extreme despair, which makes for writing that is wildly inconsistent and unpublishable. Some of the highest points of Kerry's life have been when she won second place in the Arbor Day poetry contest in third grade and when she won an award in fifth grade for her radical, anti-war poetry. The lowest point in her life thus far is realizing that these have been the highest points. Kerry is graduating and looking for a job, a new set of cake pans, and a reason to live. Her preferred method of working is to do a half-assed job for 75% of the project and then give up.



Prepare to see a variety of artwork, writing, film, and food. Our Talent is not constrained to just one genre, but instead manifests itself in every area of our lives. Please be aware that what you may see on this page is not intended for minors and may cause offense. Remember that in the Winfrey Family we do not believe that Art is merely entertainment; instead it should challenge preconceived notions, clash with authority, and sometimes even showcase Fall Out Boy in a less than flattering light. Regardless of what we post, we stand behind it.