My little self.

As a child, I saw a ton of movies that I probably should not have seen. First of all, why did they have children's toys for the Aliens series? Every one of those films had a hard R rating. I don't know if it was the chestbursting scenes, or the second-mouth stabbing into someone's forehead, but I don't think they were really targeted toward first graders. Regardless of who they were meant for, I watched them. Oh, and I loved them. Because of my love for these movies, I had a deep admiration for Mrs. Sigourney Weaver. Totally normal, right?

Anyway, I remember watching Aliens all the way through the credits to see if there was an address where I could send her a fan letter. I also remember some kid at school telling me that he knew Sigourney Weaver, and that he could get me an autographed picture for a couple bucks. Again, that makes sense for a first grader. I was so excited, but I had to raise some money first. I told my mom about it, and for some reason she seemed to think it was a scam. Listen mom, someone named Rusty would never try to scam me. I remember when he finally showed me the goods. For some reason, he made us go into the little boys bathroom. It was like some kind of shady drug deal, only this was a fraudulent autograph. It looked something like this.

He told me that she was out of real pictures. I was a little suspicious at this point. Sigourney Weaver had to be a better artist than this. Also, this technically wasn't even an autograph. I mean, she never wrote her name anywhere on it. Needless to say, as a first grade boy, this made me feel kind of strange. I mean, I guess I was flattered she thought I was sexxy, but that was really the last thing I wanted. I just wanted an autographed picture of this strong, independent woman. I don't think I bought it, and that's my Sigourney Weaver story. Here's a nice tribute to her.