This is a long one.

Since Alex is being so earnest and talking about things he actually likes, I thought I'd share something I really like: the Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels.
It is almost exactly like this:

Except imagine that one of those characters is wearing a bandana/hair extension combo, and the other two are former strippers with completely ridiculous fake breasts.
Here is what happens in every episode of Rock of Love:
One of the girls is like, "Oh, hey, I used to be a stripper and also I have completely ridiculous fake breasts."

And then Bret says something like "Yowza," or makes some motion with his finger that implies a boner or makes this gross orgasm face:

But then one of the girls tries to talk to him...

And Bret gets bored.

But don't worry, there are more boobs:

So then Bret feels better. And then this happens. A lot.

And then at the end of the episode, either the most boring or the most unattractively crazy chick is voted off. Now here's something I really want to show you. This young lady was, for some reason, voted off in the first episode. Maybe it's because she looks like a Muppet?

Of course, I mean a Muppet with giant, unwieldy fake breasts. I kind of feel bad about talkin' smack, though, because of this comment from her on that picture:
nikkifromrockoflovebus (01.20.09 | 10:14 AM)KEEP MY NAME IN YOUR MOUTH!! LOL!! TALK ALL THE SHOT YOU WANT I WAS DRUNK BUT WHATEVER MAKES U FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELVES!! I GUESS IM ON UR MIND OR U WOULDN'T BE SAYIN THIS CRAP! CHECK MY PAGE AND IF U REALLY WANNA SAY SUMTHIN SAY IT THERE!! I LOVE ALL THE ATTENTION !1 THANKS! LMFAO! IM THE ONLY GIRL THAT'S GONNA SAY **** CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A **** IM JUST BORED SO THOUGHT I'LL SAY SUMTHIN TO ALL 188 POSTS!1 YOU THINK U KNOW ME BUT I DONT KNOW **** ABOUT YOU SO KEEP IT COMIN IT'S ENTERTANING!! keepin it real and go check my site since ur all up here WWW.DJLADYTRIBE.COM DO YOUR HOMEWORK !I ADMIT I WAS ****** WASTED DRUNK BUT WHAT I LOOK LIKE IS NOT WHO I AM INSIDE SO HIDE BEHIND UR COMPUTERS AND DO WHAT U DO BEST SIPPIN ON THAT HATERADE .. MAYBE YOU'LL SEE SUMTHIN DIFFERENT BUT I DONT REALLY GIVE A RATS ASS FREE PUBLICITY ! MUAH!! BESOS XOXO LUV THE HATERS AND MY FANS! KEEP IT COMIN ! LUV IN IT!

Well, okay. I guess she is not a scary, hypersexualized Muppet on the INSIDE, and that's what counts.
In all honesty, any criticism of these ladies does feel a little too easy, because the vast majority of them are strippers who are, no doubt, looking for the gravy train to lift them up out of their lives. Bret Michaels, I appoint you Sir Gravy Train. But still, they are all straight up bitches who wear ridiculous clothing, so my sympathy can only go so far.
Who's willing to have sex with an aging, diabetic "rock star" in order to become "famous" for approximately two months?

That's what I thought. Keep up the good work, girls!