Scary.

The soft rock is back at work. Actually, the soft rock's BEEN back for a few months. The playlist hasn't changed much from last year. Hall and Oates songs are, unfortunately, few and far between. Instead, I get weird songs like THIS one, which I hear almost every day. I really do think this is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. At the end, she basically just makes guttural noises for a couple of minutes. Enjoy (you will not enjoy).

A youtube commenter said: "Ugh, I feel like I'm being dragged around the mall by my parents and it's 1993." WELL SAID!

Something That Used to Scare Me

If you know me even a little, then you know I have a long, long list of fears, neuroses and anxieties. It's a little comforting to know that even as a child I was irrationally fearful. Take, for example, the one thing that scared me most as a kid (besides tornadoes, fires, rollercoasters and bicycles, that is): the intro to You Can't Do That on Television.

As an adult, I can look at that rationally and see it for what it is: an unashamed Monty Python rip off. But even now just seeing that gives me the nervous jitters. It's a combination of the sickly, washed-out color scheme, the unsettling noises, and the speed of everything. Sometimes at night I would lie awake, just thinking of that guy's terrible face cracking up (I wish I was kidding). When this came on TV, I would run out of the room and go hide in my parents' room behind their bed. Whatever, this is terrifying. Shut your mouth.

Negative Nancy Part Deux

I saw Hot Tub Time Machine this weekend. I had extraordinarily low expectations going into it, so I figured that I couldn't be disappointed. I'm a pretty easy moviegoer to please; anytime I can zone out and watch some lowbrow humor I'll probably have a decent time. Kerry from a few years ago would've said she liked this movie. She would've said that because there were funny guys in it, and because the guys in the theatre liked it, and because saying you DON'T like a movie that's crass, filled with boobs, and maybe just a bit misogynistic gets you labeled a prude or a humorless bitch. But present day Kerry is emboldened by reading Julie Klausner's awesome book. Also, I remember Amy Poehler saying in a speech directed towards young girls, "Just because a boy says something is funny, it doesn't mean you have to laugh." This is all a roundabout way of saying that Hot Tub Time Machine seemed like something I would've seen on a date when I was 19, back when I still pretended I liked things (metal music, terrible remakes of horror classics, hanging out in basements) to impress guys.
But it did have my boyfriend, Clark Duke, as well as a very funny Chevy Chase and a relatively clever gag involving Crispin Glover. Also, the great Lizzy Caplan was in the movie for about 5 minutes, but she managed to elevate the whole thing with her husky-voiced charm. I love her! This movie, not so much. I love a good vomit joke (see: Paul Rudd in I Love You, Man) as much as the next guy, but just the mere sight of vomit does not count as a joke.
As Alex mentioned in his previous post, we try not to spend too much time here talking about what we don't like, so I found something really positive that came out of this situation. One of the trailers we saw was for this Queen Latifah vehicle (also starring Common).

Queen Latifah is such a tough trainer, you guys! I love that this trailer packs in so many great rom-com cliches. My favorite: a joking physical tussle that leads to a moment where the characters, now precariously close, stop and stare into each other's eyes. If I ever write a romantic comedy, you'd better believe I am using that one. I really hope Alex will see this with me.

Negative Nancy.

Here at The Talented Winfrey Family, we like to keep things classy by trying to be positive. What I'm saying is, we're no A.V. Club (horrible assholes half the time). BUT I have been meaning to make a post about this for some time. It's something that I never like. I am, of course, referring to time lapse photography in film. I've never seen it used in a film and thought to myself, "Hey, that was pretty cool." It rarely, if ever, services the story. Oh, I get it, it's a busy city. Oh, time is passing. It's kind of virtuosic, and no one but the photographer enjoys it. What do you guys think?

Sequel!

I'm assuming you've heard about the J.D. Salinger lawsuit. Apparently, some guy wrote a sequel to The Catcher in the Rye and J.D. Salinger got pissed (people should know not to mess with notorious recluses). So he sued him. Good for you, J.D. Salinger. You are striking a blow on behalf of people everywhere who are tired of shitty knockoffs of classics. Anyone who's been to a bookstore lately (probably not J.D. Salinger) knows that there are countless books based on the lives of characters from Gone With the Wind, Jane Eyre, and (of course) Pride and Prejudice. Seriously, Target stocks like 50 books and about 25 of those have the words "Mr. Darcy" in the title. Who wants to read about the less important Bennett sisters? Or about what Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth did after they got married? Those books should all be retitled Yawn. Zzzzzz. Oh, Sorry, I Fell Asleep While I Was Reading Your Fanfiction.
But anyway. I know that I could easily look up the title of this Catcher in the Rye knockoff (I guess there's this thing called Google?), but I choose not to. Instead, here are some guesses as to what the title is:
Catcher in the Rye 2: Still Catchin'
What I Caught in the Rye
Catcher in the Barley
Probably No One Would Have Paid Attention to This Book if it Weren't for J.D. Salinger's Lawsuit
Catch-22 (already taken, so now there could be two lawsuits)
I'm sure you have some ideas. Let me know!

Uncomfortable Work Jam, Volume I

There are some songs that, when they come on the soft rock radio at work, make me so uncomfortable that I can't focus on what I'm doing. Maybe you don't listen to soft rock at your job, but just imagine any instance of being confined in a small space with a few other people while being forced to listen to creepy lyrics. It's weird. Here are the top 3 songs on my Uncomfortable Work Jams mix.
John Mayer: Your Body is a Wonderland. It should be obvious why.


Heart: All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You. Once this came on while I was at the orthodontist. That was years ago, but I still remember it as one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. "I am the flower, you are the seed. We walked in the garden, we planted a tree." Are you serious, Heart? Also you have to sign into Youtube to view this, so you KNOW it's going to be weird.


And the grandaddy of them all. I literally leave my desk whenever this song comes on because I can't take it. I just walk around the hallway or go to the bathroom or whatever. Anything to avoid this song!

Good Job! Bad job.

Parks and Recreation was picked up for a second season.  Good job NBC!  Uh oh.  What's going on over there at Fox?  Oh, they decided not to air the final episode of Sit Down, Shut Up.  What are they putting on instead?  A King of the Hill rerun.  That makes sense.  I mean, they couldn't possibly air all of the five episodes they ordered.  For shame, Fox.  For Shame.

I've got to say this.

Funny Or Die, I love you and I respect you, but you need to stop.  

These celebrity videos are never funny.  Andy Rooney out.

This just isn't funny.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

Sorry, No Thanks

Did you see what I did there?  I altered the title of this movie!  Get it, because I have no interest in seeing this movie.

Uh oh

This is the first mash-up I have ever made.  Probably the last (because it's not good).  It's Magic Spells by Crystal Castles and Threat by Jay-Z.

Things We Actually Don't Like

Based on this trailer, how could Rhinestone NOT be our favorite movie?

Just based on that trailer, and the fact that we love Sylvester Stallone projects (see: my favorite movie, Staying Alive), this should have been a great film. There were some good parts, don't get me wrong, but overall there were just not enough laughably bad parts and too many boring parts.
But at least we'll always have this: