It's been said that there isn't enough Chase on the blog. Well, sorry, but he doesn't know this blog exists (except for the fact that we have our suspicions he's been reading and just won't admit it). But I'm not offering up any sort of Chase-created artwork. This falls more into the realm of "Chase-related." Awhile ago (shortly before the presidential election) I wrote a silly little Chase story to send to Alex. One caveat: it's just stupid Winfrey in-jokes, which is why I haven't posted this until now. You know how nerdy fanfic is? This is nerdier. It's Chasefic. Much of this is related to things Chase was doing at the time: learning how to use Photoshop, making pictures of Barack Obama holding a Blue Rocket Comic, clogging toilets...you get the picture. Also the ideas named in the first paragraph are all real ideas that Chase has had. Enjoy, I guess?
***
The idea came to him while he tried to unclog the toilet. He chuckled
for a moment as he thought about how all of his best ideas always
occurred in the bathroom; salty ketchup, watery toothpaste, even an
ice cream truck that would dispense frozen treats on the highway! That
was, after all, why he spent so much time there, on the toilet. It was
his Thinking Place. But this idea was different than all the rest.
This idea would work.
He hurriedly threw down the plunger, leaving poop water splashed
across the floor. Mom would clean it up. This idea was too good to put
off.
He loaded up Adobe Photoshop. The program was so confusing at first,
but he'd really grown to love it. On AOL, he Google searched for
pictures of Presidential Candidates Barack Obama and John McCain. Of
course, he had to sign on to his parents' account to do any image
searching--his father had enforced some tight parental controls. Why,
he'd even been unable to Google Image search "Kissing" and "Where do
Babies Come From" and "Funny Poop Pictures"! Not that he'd tried.
Once the suitable pictures were loaded into Photoshop, he set about
drawing a small orange Blue Rocket Comics image. Some might think it
odd that a 13 (going on 14) year old would be at the helm of a
sometimes successful comics business, but truth be told, he'd always
felt wise beyond his years. After several hours and a few breaks (Mom
finally finished dinner and Chuck came on), his pictures were
finished. There they were, the presidential candidates, each holding a
copy of a Blue Rocket Comic. If you didn't know, you'd almost believe
they were real! He sighed in satisfaction and adjusted himself in the
plush desk chair, which responded by releasing a whiff of old fart
smell.
These needed to be seen by everyone, he realized. More than just his
family. They didn't understand, anyway. He needed to put them on the
internet; but how?
He composed an email:
Hey Bromo,
How do I put pictures on the internet? Dad and I can't figure it out.
Ya Brudda
He forgot to check his email for two days, but when he did he found a
response from Alex that gave him detailed instructions for setting up
his own webpage. It was business time.
Just hours after setting up his webpage, the doorbell rang. "Somebody
get that!" he called, despite the fact that his chair was almost
directly beside the front door.
Mom rushed to the front door and led two men into the entryway.
"Someone's here to see you," she said.
Chase stood up after pausing Call of Duty 4. Then he saw the two men
he never expected to see in his home.
"Barack Obama and John McCain?" he asked.
"Hello Chase," John McCain said crustily. "We just had to see the
young man who created those wonderful pictures."
"I know you're surprised to see us here. Especially holding hands,"
Obama said, raising his left hand, which was indeed clasping McCain's
right, "but we were inspired to put aside our partisan differences and
unite to pay you a visit."
"This is awesome," Chase said. "Hey, did you know my dad doesn't
believe in global warming?"
"Me neither," said McCain craggily.
"Neither do I," said Obama. "I know I always talk about it, but it's
total bullshit."
"Dad was right!" Chase whispered.
"Listen," McCain said old-ily, "as a reward for creating a piece of
art that has inspired the nation, we want to give you an opportunity
that will change the course of history."
"It's up to you," Obama said, "to choose the next president. Obviously
the democratic process is flawed, so why not let a 13-going-on-14-year
old boy decide?"
"Geezle," said Chase as his eyes darted back and forth between the two
candidates. How would he ever decide?
***
On November 4th, a man stepped up to the podium to give his acceptance
speech. "I'd like to thank this great country, but most of all I'd
like to thank Chase Winfrey," said Bruce Springsteen. "Without him,
there's no way I'd be your president." Then, he launched into a a
saxophony rendition of Born to Run, and no one rocked out harder than
Chase.
FIN.
